Sunday, 6 November 2011

The Quilling Begins

And from the mist he appears...

Well, not really the mist per se. Perhaps the toilet or underneath a bush in the park with a pair of binoculars.

I mean, hello!

Not that anyone is reading this at the moment. Which is cool. I can get up to all sorts of outrageous shit until anyone bothers to trawl over this.

Gary Barlow is a sissy!
The Beatles are not as good as The Wombles!
The Queen is made of Lego!

Ah, random nonsense. There'll be a lot of that, you know. Actually I guess I should really stick down what this is all about.

So allow me to introduce myself. I am The Quiller - scourge of the blank page, voice of the common man, bronze medal swimming certificate holder. And I am here to tell it like it is, leave no stone unturned and put those that need to be put in their their place.

It's got nothing to do with some bloke at work telling me that good practice for completing a novel is to write everyday and this is a decent way to go about it. And it totally isn't a good way to have a jolly good rant about everything and anything.

So to that end, what sort of things are we looking at then? Well, you can't cherry pick what you decide to scourge and scourge-not. But i'll stick to what I know, which is basically this:

Shamelessly plugging my writing and various updates
Stand up comedy
Films & Television
Ripping into politics, religion, class and the media (as well as other cuntish shit I don't like)
Random lists of facts that I think is all cool and interesting
Probably lots more besides once I get into the swing of things

So basically like every other blog then? Well, probably. But if you read it and give me feedback, particularly on the writing front, I will give you a shiny penny and a jar of back sweat (the penny is optional, the back sweat is not).

I would also welcome feedback about the layout of the blog and the lovely gadgets I have crammed on at the moment, because I haven't got a fucking clue what i'm doing. It'll get better quicker if you do this. But it should improve sooner rather than later as i'll post links, images and the like.

I've set up Facebook, Twitter and Bebo accounts with the sole purpose to plug this turd of a blog, but if you want to catch me while i'm there feel free. I may throw things though (digitally of course. Unless I know where you live, in which case duck you bastard).

The whole purpose really is to get into the habit of writing each day, so there will be regular updates every 24 hours, so please check back when you can.

Well, thats about it I reckons. Pretty brief, eh? Well i'm betting that the first people to be steered in this general direction will be friends, family and colleagues (you're all going to get it between the eyes at some stage, have no fear), so not really much of a background check. I have completed a fairly detailed bio, so anyone who doesn't know me (i.e. people who may think i'm actually called Pemberton Inkwell and dance about in my lounge with the lights off wearing a fucking cape with an ink bottle on it) can get a decent update or just post a comment.

And just one final morsel. You may wonder about the age restriction? Well, considering i'm having a bash at promoting this through social media and there are some of you who let your children use these devices (you called them Britney or Tyler, I assume?). And given the content and amount of swear-boxing, I've slammed the filter on to cover my arse, balls and wallet.

So there we are. Rambling, pointless but hopefully not too dull. I shall see you on the next page, my little parchment mites.

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